Wednesday, August 28, 2013

How normal people eat and a self-image freak-out.

Janetha posted a link to this very interesting article on the Huffington Post: 5 Ways to Eat Like a 'Normal' Person (That Dieters Just Don't Get)

This is just... completely not me. I think about food all the damn time. If I don't plan my meals or look at menus ahead of time, I get anxious. And then I question myself: Is this healthy behavior? Am I giving myself an eating disorder (beyond what I'm already dealing with)?

And is it okay to plan and count calories when I am actively trying to lose weight? It's better to do that than remain obese and unhealthy, right? (Please keep in mind that obese and unhealthy are NOT synonymous. *I* was obese and unhealthy. But one can be unhealthy at any weight, and one can be obese and be otherwise extremely healthy. I am talking only about my personal experience.)

I'm trying to practice moderation, but it's hard for me. I am a volume eater, and tend to have very black-and-white reactions to things: it's all or nothing. If I'm going to eat chocolate, I'm going to eat an entire bar or a handful of Hershey's Kisses. None of this "oh just one or two" stuff. Like everything in my life, I do it whole hog and go all out. No half-assing it here.

On a completely unrelated note, I am completely insecure in how I look right now. Yesterday I had a full-blown meltdown over it. I was wearing grey jeans, a black V-neck t-shirt, and Converse sneakers. Two, three, four months ago, this outfit would have looked fine. But since I've started running, my lower body has been shrinking RAPIDLY. Less than a month ago, I bought three pairs of size 18 pants. They are all too big now to the point where I had to buy a belt this weekend. My 2X shirts are billowy now, and men's XL t-shirts are rapidly approaching that point.

The shirt I had on yesterday was a ladies' XL, and it looked awful. (You must be thinking "WHY DID YOU WEAR IT THEN, LIZ?" I'll tell you why: because I had to do some climbing around on a large structure yesterday for my job, and the last time I wore it, it looked okay, so I stupidly assumed it would STILL look okay.)

I caught a glimpse of myself in the full-length mirror in the bathroom and promptly lost my shit. I looked terrible. My jeans were too big, too baggy, my shirt made me look huge. I looked frumptastic. I looked like the frumpiest frump who ever frumped, and I didn't even have silver sandals on or horizontal stripes or a Davidson visor.
I freaked out to my work-wife, Joanna, who lent me a pair of sandals, and I ran to Ross as soon as I got out of work and frantically tried on random items until I found something that would be acceptable for my evening plans. I succeeded, but barely. I wish I had had more time.

Anyway, the point of this blathering on and on is that none of my clothes fit, and I can't go dropping $50 every time I want to buy something that fits. I'm going to do a major closet clean-out next weekend, but I'd really prefer not to live in elastic waist pants for the next several months while I continue losing weight.


  1. Congrats on nothing fitting! Mine is starting to go the other direction and get tight again!! This is a great reminder of how awesome it feels when things are baggy! Great post! Keep up the awesome work - I am sure you look wayyyyy better than you think too - we are our own worst critics.

  2. I have felt this way a lot as my clothes got too big. I just tend to get a couple pants/bottoms and a few different tops so I can change them up and rewear the pants a lot. I also get cheap clothes at Old Navy when they send me coupons and stuff. I haven't lost weight all summer, so my clothes are fitting about the same. I need to get my groove back.

  3. I got a lot of clothes at Goodwill when I was trying to lose weight. I still spent a lot of money going from size 18/20 to size 2/4, though. And there were some things I had to get rid of that just made me sad :(

  4. I might be the fattest fat who ever fatted but I still wouldn't wear those sandals.

    Hopefully my clothes will start to feel too big soon. They've been tight for too long!