Wednesday, March 27, 2013


Still having a hard time figuring out what rewards I want that are not food-related. This is what I have so far. I haven't gotten below 200 because I can't even imagine that (though I *will* get there).

As of this morning, I'm 242.8. I was 242.2 on Saturday morning, but then proceeded to eat lots of delicious food and drink a few beers.

 241.9 (Meeting goal on Beth's Journey Diet Bet) - mini-bag Cadbury mini-eggs (yes, I know, food is not a reward, I am not a dog, blah blah, but man have I been wanting these so DAMMIT I am making myself meet a goal before eating them)

240 - New hairbrush
230 - Pedicure
220 - Go to a baseball game
210 - Tickets to a musical locally
200 - Get hair professionally cut and colored

I just cannot think of anything else that isn't food or clothing related. Ugh. I don't want to break my arm trying to pat myself on the back, but I want to keep myself motivated too. Help?

Monday, March 25, 2013

Aveeno and water exercise.

I took my first water exercise class tonight and despite my tatas exploding from my top when I jumped in the pool, I absolutely loved it. More details later.

Also, if I see one more post sponsored by Aveeno that had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH AVEENO, I am going to set my computer on fire.

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

How I Got Fat: Part 1 - Prologue

“I don’t want to die. I’m too young to die.”

I lay awake in bed, unable to sleep. My mind wouldn’t turn off; it kept flashing images of my parents and my boyfriend standing over me in a hospital bed with a tube in my throat after having open heart surgery.

You may think I’m being a little dramatic right now, but the truth is, this is a very real possibility for me. I am 32 years old, and if I don’t get my act together, this is going to happen to me sooner rather than later. Both of my parents have had open heart surgery, and one of my brothers had it in his mid-30s.

Signs and Symptoms of Heart Disease in Women

I’m obese, have high cholesterol, a light smoker (on my way to quitting), and have a family history of heart disease, high cholesterol, and diabetes.  I am positive that if I keep on doing what I’m doing, I’m going to die before I’m 50. Well, maybe. But why take the chance?

My weight has been a lifelong battle. I wasn’t overweight as a young child; I was active, outgoing, and food was an afterthought for me. But then my best friend moved away and I had no one to play with, so I turned to books and became more and more solitary and less active. Food and books were my friends when people in real life made fun of me or ostracized me. They didn't judge me, they didn't bully me, and I could be someone else for a little bit while reading.

My mom has always struggled with her weight. As a child, I remember her making something called "Skinny Stew", a vegetable soup that smelled awful and featured cabbage as the predominant ingredient. Gag. She would eat it for lunch and dinner, trying to drop the last 10 or 20 pounds that she had battled with ever since she had me. She would drink Alba shakes as a meal replacement and take me to Weight Watchers meetings in a strip mall, having me wait quietly in the back with a coloring book while she and a group of women weighed in on ancient metal doctor's scales and rejoice when they got their 10-pound ribbon.

We only drank skim milk, sugary cereals and sodas were not permitted, and candy bars and fast food were a special treat. We were encouraged to play outside, ride bikes, join sports teams, and eat our vegetables.

If that was the case, how did I get fat? What happened?

More to come in Part 2....

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Um, oops.

So the past two days haven't gone so well, foodwise.

I haven't been eating balanced meals, I've had alcohol (which I almost NEVER do), and I've eaten far more than I am comfortable with.

Let me backtrack and own up to my bullshit.

I have every other Friday off of work, and so on Friday, I got to sleep in. Yay! My day started off well with coffee and a healthy breakfast burrito at home, but once I got down to Fells Point in Baltimore to celebrate a friend's marriage, it kind of went downhill.

(Yes it's blurry, oh well)

As you can see, I have a lovely pint in my hand. Oh delicious beer, how I love you. I had a cherry wheat ale and a Blue Moon. I only wanted one, I stopped myself after two. I could have easily went on to have a third, but I made my man grab me a bottle of water when he went to get his second beer, which kept me from getting another. And I hit up the snacks that they had at the bar (Cat's Eye Pub in Fells Point), but nothing too bad: a couple cubes of cheese, a couple little slices of pepperoni, two meatballs, a taste of hummus. No biggie.

 But then, oh then.

This happened. Oh, that picture isn't clear enough? Let me be a little more specific.

This is what happens there (though this is not an actual pic from BOP in Fells Point).

Yeah. The boyfriend convinced me to get a ginormous brick oven cheese pizza, and the delicious smell tortured us both the whole hour drive back home. By the time we got home, I was ready to sell my dog for a piece of it. I stopped myself and made myself eat a salad before I dug into the cheesy deliciousness, but it didn't stop me from eating three slices of it.

You know what the worst part was?

It wasn't that great. The crust was good, but I wasn't blown away by it. And yet, I still ate three (BIG) slices of it. And then my mind went "Welp, you might as well try those cookies you successfully resisted all week." So I had half a big peanut butter cookie and half a chocolate chunk cookie, and while they were good, again, I wasn't blown away by them. Not worth it. And I regretted it afterwards. 

Add to that, I didn't exercise at all on Friday. Fail.

So then Saturday! A new day! A new chance!

A new chance, my butt. A new chance to FAIL perhaps.

Okay, maybe I'm being a BIT dramatic.

Saturday in bullet form:
  • slept in entirely too late
  • woke up dehydrated
  • didn't drink enough water
  • had a cup of coffee and stole three bites of the bf's Perdue General Tso's Chicken
  • didn't eat anything else until 6pm when we went here:

Piazza Sorrento in Hershey PA

And then it was all downhill... I was famished since I hadn't eaten much of anything all day. I had:
  • glass of white zinfandel
  • two awesome rolls dipped in olive oil
  • shared an appetizer of fried ravioli in a cream sauce with the bf, which was amazing
  • side salad with house dressing which was really oily and not that great
  • ate half my entree, the Italian Sampler (lasagna, chicken parmesan, fettucini alfredo) which was killer and I wanted to go to town on the alfredo, but took the rest home with me
  • a dessert trifle with coffee

After that, I was totally stuffed and overfull. I love love love trying new restaurants, but I definitely overdid it last night. After that, we went to see American Idiot at the Hershey Theatre because I am a Broadway dork.

The show was great, and we really enjoyed it even if the woman behind me seemed to think that ear-splitting whistles were appropriate after EVERY song.

Yet again, once we got home, I was like "Welp, screw it, already ate poorly today and didn't exercise, HEY I HAVE AN IDEA WHY DON'T I EAT THE REST OF MY ENTREE FROM TONIGHT AND A COOKIE." Apparently, my brain goes kaput after 10pm.

So yeah. All that happened, and this is me owning up to it, afraid to get back on the scale and see what the damage is, and vowing to get in at least 30 minutes of exercise today and drink a ton of water.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

It's a marathon, not a sprint.

I have to keep reminding myself that this weight loss thing is going to take time. My weight has been going down verrrrry slowly, despite sticking to Weight Watchers, oh, 90% of the time. I can count on one hand the number of times I have had an "off" day since I restarted on January 7th.

So here's the numbers:

January 7: 260.4
March 12: 245.8

So that's 14.6 pounds in a little over two months. That's about 1.6 pounds a week, which is right on track with healthy weight loss of 0.5 to 2 pounds a week.

I want it to be more. I want the weight to fall off as easily as I put it on (lol yeah right), and I want people to notice that I've lost weight and tell me I look good.

But that's not what's happening.

I'm experiencing what is known as "the paper towel effect" when it comes to weight loss.

When you use a paper towel from the roll, you don't notice a difference barely if at all. But, over time, you inevitably finish the roll and get down to the tube. So all of those one- and two-sheet paper towels that you are removing a day (or weeks, months, etc...) at a time are adding up.

I'm not going to quit what I'm doing.

I love the exercises I've started doing. Zumba is fun as hell, weight lifting makes me feel like a badass, and bellydancing is a blast. I feel sexy and I figure, hey, I have these hips and boobs, might as well use 'em.

Lastly, I'm going to leave you with this... I saw this the other day and it made me cry. Maybe it will inspire you too. If you have a few minutes and especially if you are feeling discouraged, give it a watch.

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Goals and Rewards.

I was reading /r/loseit/ on Reddit (love it for motivation), and there was a post about rewards to keep yourself motivated, and I am having the hardest time figuring out a reward for myself that is not food.

The problem is twofold:

One - If I want something, I buy or have it. This is in part what got me fat. But even non-food things, if I want it and can afford it and still pay my bills, I usually get it. Now, there are plenty of things that I want that I don't need, such as a Chromebook, a spa day, or a new car, and I recognize that these are extravagant wants. So I don't get them.


Two - I have a hard time rationalizing "deserving" a reward for losing weight. I shouldn't have ever been in this boat to begin with, why do I deserve a vacation or expensive trinket for something I shouldn't have had to do in the first place?

All that being said, I would really, really love a vacation. I haven't taken a vacation in over five years. I could afford a reasonable vacation, and I will have some vacation by this autumn... but I can't wrap my head around taking a week off to go somewhere and still get paid. I worked as a contractor for the past two and a half years, and a waitress before that, and I just can't imagine not working but getting paid. I am used to working my ass off for no rewards (aka "vacation"), so I am trying to adjust my thinking to get to the point where I value myself enough to allow myself to have good things.

What have you used to reward yourself or motivate yourself to achieve a goal?

Monday, March 4, 2013

Happy Birthday to Me

This past Friday, I turned 32. I had the day off from work and while I wish I could have spent it doing amazing birthday things, alas, I had adult things that I needed to do.

First I had to take my beloved dogger-doo to the vet.

(Miss Bella, wanting me to let her run amok and give everyone kisses)

The vet scared the everlovin' CRAP out of me, telling me that my nine-year-old dog had swollen lymph nodes in her rear legs, which could be indicative of Lymphoma (aka INCURABLE DOG CANCER, my worst fear). After being depressed about it all day and into the next, I got a call from the vet who told me that while the results of tests they ran did not show Lymphoma, she wants me to monitor the size of Bell's lymph nodes to note any size changes.  I can do that.

I also had to go to the eye doctor and get a full work-up for the first time in about five years (yay for finally having insurance). I am a complete glasses "maven", so luckily my prescription didn't change much, otherwise I would have had to replace all, oh, FIFTEEN pairs of glasses that I currently own.

Then I had dinner with my family, and yay for me, I didn't overindulge. My mom and I shared a veggie stromboli, and I only had one piece, despite wanting to eat more. I knew another piece would have sent me past my fullness limit. That didn't stop me from having cake that evening, though.

Saturday was so much fun.

The boyfriend and I went to Baltimore on Saturday to go to Geppi's Entertainment Museum, which was really neat and he totally geeked out over all the comics and toys and stuff.

Then went to Fogo De Chao for dinner. It was AMAZING. It's a Brazilian steakhouse where you pay one price and it's all-you-can-eat meat extravaganza. They bring all sorts of cuts of meat to your table and cut it right onto your plate. There is also a pretty big salad bar with all sorts of fresh veggies, meats, cheeses, and salads. 

I had been dying to go there for, oh, two years? And I finally convinced the boyfriend that yes, I was totally willing to spend that much money for a meal.

We were both a little overwhelmed/confused at first, but we got the hang of it pretty quickly and ate SO MUCH. The highlights were the rolls which were melt-in-your-mouth good, the bacon-wrapped chicken and filet mignon, and the bottom round beef. They had a tendency towards salty, but luckily we are salt fans.

It was expensive (>$100 without alcohol or dessert) but totally worth it for the new experience and the amazing service and food. We had a great time and I was grinning like an idiot. Plus, I got free cake!!!

Additionally, the sunset over Baltimore's Inner Harbor when we left the restaurant was amazing.

Of course, that was the same day that I started Beth's Journey's Diet Bet. Eep.

Basically, if I lose 4% of my weight in the next month, I'll get to split the winnings with other people who also succeed. Right now the pot is at $7600 (with 311 participants), so the incentive is pretty high. 

I got back to the business of losing weight yesterday, Sunday, by staying within my points and tracking my food after two days of not doing so. And that's okay. Your birthday only comes once a year, and I knew that I was not going to let all my hard work go to hell for two days of celebratory eating.