How normal people eat and a self-image freak-out.

Janetha posted a link to this very interesting article on the Huffington Post: 5 Ways to Eat Like a 'Normal' Person (That Dieters Just Don't Get)

This is just... completely not me. I think about food all the damn time. If I don't plan my meals or look at menus ahead of time, I get anxious. And then I question myself: Is this healthy behavior? Am I giving myself an eating disorder (beyond what I'm already dealing with)?

And is it okay to plan and count calories when I am actively trying to lose weight? It's better to do that than remain obese and unhealthy, right? (Please keep in mind that obese and unhealthy are NOT synonymous. *I* was obese and unhealthy. But one can be unhealthy at any weight, and one can be obese and be otherwise extremely healthy. I am talking only about my personal experience.)

I'm trying to practice moderation, but it's hard for me. I am a volume eater, and tend to have very black-and-white reactions to things: it's all or nothing. If I'm going to eat chocolate, I'm going to eat an entire bar or a handful of Hershey's Kisses. None of this "oh just one or two" stuff. Like everything in my life, I do it whole hog and go all out. No half-assing it here.

On a completely unrelated note, I am completely insecure in how I look right now. Yesterday I had a full-blown meltdown over it. I was wearing grey jeans, a black V-neck t-shirt, and Converse sneakers. Two, three, four months ago, this outfit would have looked fine. But since I've started running, my lower body has been shrinking RAPIDLY. Less than a month ago, I bought three pairs of size 18 pants. They are all too big now to the point where I had to buy a belt this weekend. My 2X shirts are billowy now, and men's XL t-shirts are rapidly approaching that point.

The shirt I had on yesterday was a ladies' XL, and it looked awful. (You must be thinking "WHY DID YOU WEAR IT THEN, LIZ?" I'll tell you why: because I had to do some climbing around on a large structure yesterday for my job, and the last time I wore it, it looked okay, so I stupidly assumed it would STILL look okay.)

I caught a glimpse of myself in the full-length mirror in the bathroom and promptly lost my shit. I looked terrible. My jeans were too big, too baggy, my shirt made me look huge. I looked frumptastic. I looked like the frumpiest frump who ever frumped, and I didn't even have silver sandals on or horizontal stripes or a Davidson visor.

I freaked out to my work-wife, Joanna, who lent me a pair of sandals, and I ran to Ross as soon as I got out of work and frantically tried on random items until I found something that would be acceptable for my evening plans. I succeeded, but barely. I wish I had had more time.

Anyway, the point of this blathering on and on is that none of my clothes fit, and I can't go dropping $50 every time I want to buy something that fits. I'm going to do a major closet clean-out next weekend, but I'd really prefer not to live in elastic waist pants for the next several months while I continue losing weight.

FMM

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

Questions and Answers

1.  What is a typical weekday like for you?  
I wake up around 6AM and get ready for work and am at work by 7:30AM at the latest. I work until 5-5:30PM, then go run until about 7PM. I get home, throw dinner in the oven, and take a rinse-off shower while dinner cooks. Then I chill on the couch with TV and internets.

2.  Name one song that never fails to make you happy and one song that you always listen to when you’re sad.  
"A Better Son/Daughter" by Rilo Kiley. ANTHEM!

3.  Did you watch the VMA’s last night?  
I did not. I watched Roxanne. I had no idea the VMAs were even on, but apparently I missed a twerkathon.

4.  Share at least two talents that you possess.
I am a great cook and am good at finding bargains.

5.  Share one thing that you wish you had the confidence to do.  
Wear clothes that show off my body/flatter me.

6. Tell us about one insecurity that people might be surprised that you have.  
I am constantly second-guessing myself and care too much about what others think of me.

7.  If you could be the CEO of any company, which one would you choose to lead? 
The Humane Society of the United States. And I would completely overthrow everything they do and make them actually help animals.

8. List at least three hobbies that make you happy.  
Cooking, running, and reading.

9.  Is there someone in your life that you wish you could say “I love you” to?  
Yes.

10.  Share one cool thing that happened over the weekend.  
I went to an awesome cigar box guitar/jug band show and the local Artsfest!!

Now it’s your turn to answer this week’s questions. Happy Monday, friends!

"You're so inspiring!"

I feel like I am constantly apologizing for sporadic posts. The truth is, my life is very busy right now, between work, personal stuff, and trying to have an active social life.

It seems like a lot of people have been noticing my weight loss lately (down to 213.2 as of this morning!). I don't know if it's because I bought pants that fit, or what, but I've been getting a lot of compliments. Some people have even gone so far as to say "You are so inspiring!"

The thing is, I don't feel inspiring. I still feel like the invisible fat girl in the room. And while I am still quite far from my goal and have a long way to go, I know that I am looking better than I have in years. My double chin is almost gone, I can feel my hipbones again, and my pants (the ones I JUST BOUGHT) are too big for me.

But on the inside, I am still insecure, feeling like I have to be funny or outlandish to get positive attention, and when someone tells me I'm attractive, I think they are lying to me.

I'd really love to hear from anyone else who has had to deal with this. Anyone? How long does it take for the inside to match the outside?

Busy Saturday and lots of talk about delicious foods I bought.

What a day!

First, let me back up to Friday night. Last night involved Chinese food and frozen yogurt, and dude, I think I have a food hangover today.

I call this "The Deathstar". It consists of chocolate yogurt, peanut butter yogurt, brownie bites, a crumbled chocolate chip cookie, crushed Oreos, rainbow sprinkles, caramel syrup, and chocolate syrup. Seriously sugar overload, but SO good. HOLY YUM, HAHAHA AM I POPULAR AND WEARING SHORTS UP MY HOO-HAH YET? GIMME FREE TRIPS! Whoops, sorry. I channeled someone else for a second there.

I eat pretty healthy usually, and I seriously felt hungover this morning. I don't know if it was because of the MSG or the sodium or the sugar or what, but all I want to do is drink water today.

Anyway, I didn't sleep well because of the sugar and MSG, but I got up and went to a nearby community yardsale where I scored some hanging metal baskets that get my produce up and off the counter, and a bunch of Star Wars toys for a friend of mine.

These squirrels looked strangely evil to me.

Then it was off to the farmer's market to say hi to my Mama and brother, and have lunch with some friends. All that sugar last night didn't stop me from trying some amazing Filipino food today at a stand that just opened at the market. It was AWESOME.

Pork (in?) adobo with jasmine rice. The pork was slow simmered and fell right off the bone. I ate every bite. If you're local, you HAVE to try Tasa in Central Market!

I bought a ridiculous amount of fruits and veggies:

•  an eggplant for eggplant fries
• two huge beefsteak tomtatoes that I plan to roast with olive oil and roasted garlic salt and top with fresh mozzarella
• green beans
•  white peaches
• a dozen ears of white corn that I'm going to cook up and freeze the kernels
• Oh, and some Carolina-style mustardy barbecue sauce. 
• And four different smoked salts because I am addicted to the stuff.
• And a sea salt caramel and chocolate cupcake.
• And some more stuff that I'm sure I'm forgetting.

... man I'm hungry now. I'm going to go make some burgers for dinner. 

Wednesday randomness

Just a list of stuff that is running through my head.

• Oh my God, I am terrified of dating again. How the hell do you find a man in his 30s who a) does not already have children (I really don't want to be a stepmom, y'all), b) doesn't live in his mother's basement/has a job/is a productive adult, and c) isn't some kind of freak who wants to like, do really weird gross stuff on me or something?
  
  
  
  
  
• Should I be eating something ("refueling", wtf, it's EATING something) after I finish running? I usually chug some water, come home, throw dinner in the oven, shower, and end up eating like, an hour after I finish. I don't want to drink gross protein shakes or eat protein balls or whatever people who pose with their hand permanently stuck to their hip do, I just want to make sure I am Doing It Right.
  
  
  
  Maybe I'll just drink gasoline.
• Speaking of running, my Runtastic stuff says that I am burning about 200-225ish calories per mile. Is that accurate? It doesn't seem accurate to me... I mean, I am slow as hell. Anyone out there around 215 pounds who could shed some light on this for me?
  
  
  
  Yes, I know, I am slow as hell. No judging allowed. Right now I am just trying to finish the Zombie runs, not going for super speed.
• I vacillate between "I FEEL HOT, Y'ALL SHOULD WANT THIS" and self-loathing that makes me wonder if anyone will ever find me attractive again. I KNOW. Ridiculous.
  
• Crap, I have so much cleaning in my house to do. Like, SO MUCH. I am considering hiring a maid service or someone who wants to earn some bucks to help me get a handle on it/create a baseline of clean. Has anyone ever done this?

FMM and shtuff

Sorry I have been shitty at best with my posts (all 8 of you that actually read this, lol). I'm going through a breakup right now and working 50 hours a week in addition to trying to keep up with healthy habits, so things are kind of all over the place right now.

Onto the fun stuff...

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

Have You Ever?

1. Jumped out of an airplane?  No, but I want to.

2. Lived alone?  Yes. I loved it and am looking forward to living alone again in the very near future. I am going to redecorate my house and cook lots of Indian food and seafood.

3. Met a celebrity? Yep.

I AM COMING FOR YOU

(Source)

4. Said something to someone that you immediately regret saying? Oh dear lord, yes. I call it "foot-in-mouth syndrome".

5. Had a manicure/pedicure? Yep.

6.  Gotten a hickey? Yep. Shh, don't tell my mom.

7. Owned a pet that was not a dog or a cat?  I had a few fish in my lifetime.

8. Been outside of your home country?  Yep! I've been to Italy (twice), Germany, Austria, Switzerland, France, and Belgium.

9. Kissed your best friend? Yes.

10. Eaten food that fell on the floor?  Dude, 5-second rule. Duh.

11. Met someone online? Lots.

12. Been on TV? Yep.

13. Had braces?  Yep!

14. Gone skinny dipping?  Yep. I liked it.

15. Been to the opera? Yeppers. I'm cultured like that.

Okay, this is a musical, not an opera, but I *have* been to the opera.

16. Been caught making out by a policeman?  Oh God, yes.

17. Sung in public? Tons. I used to do a lot of theatre and was a total drama/band/chorus geek in high school.

Nice wig, huh?

18. Handed out candy on Halloween? Absolutely! I love Halloween.

19. Been snowed in? Oh yeah.

20. Fallen in front of other people? Allll the time.

21. Cheated on a test? In college, yeah. I wrote some notes about prominent sociologists on my shoe. Not my finest moment.

22. Regretted saying “I love you” to someone? Yeah, unfortunately.

23. Finished a meal in a restaurant and realized that you didn’t have your wallet? Nope.

24. Shot a gun? No. I am not a fan of guns.

25. Heard a song that was written for (or about) you? Uh, I don't think so.

Run, Lizzy, Run!

I am STILL flying high from my run last night.

I had the third workout of Week 4 of Zombies, Run! 5K on tap. I decided to push myself harder than I ever have.

After warming up by walking for 5 minutes, it took me into a 5-minute "freeform run", which means you can walk or run, just do whatever your body is comfortable with. The entire program is like this; except for specific drills where you are required to run, the freeform runs are up to you to take at your pace. And my pace is SLOW.

Anyway, it started and I was like "welp, here we go." And started jogging. I tried really hard to listen to my breathing, focus on how my legs were feeling, etc. A few times I had to slow down a bit, but I wanted to keep jogging. Next thing I knew, they told me I was done 2 minutes. I felt good, so I decided to go for the entire 5 minutes. Why not? I'd never jogged that long before, but hey, you won't know until you try, right?

WELL I DID IT.

And the look on my face was like this:

So I did my drills that they make you do, and went through this scary-ass tunnel...

it gets REALLY dark in there....

turned around, went back through it, walked for a bit, and at that point, I heard the app announce that I was 4 minutes into the last 15-minute freeform run. I decided to try to run until they said 9 or 10 minutes. So I did. And when they did, I felt great, so I decided to keep going.

And then I finished the mission, walked a little bit more, and decided, heck, why not run some more? So I ran for another 10 minutes or so.

And I felt AMAZING. No sweaty selfies here, no "marathon legs", no "Guys, I did four-point-oh-oh-oh-oh miles." Just absolute wonder that I can go from being completely sedentary 8-ish months ago to jogging 4 miles, and not feel like I'm going to die afterward. I feel like I can do ANYTHING now, because I never thought this would be something I could do.

Am I a "runner" now? Far from it. But whenever I see a fellow chubby girl on the trail with her headphones in, working up a sweat, I want to give her a giant high five and tell her that she kicks ass. 

Because I am also that ass-kicking chubby girl, and I am kicking the butt of everyone sitting at home on the couch.

Friend Makin' Monday: in which you learn that I am a crazy dog lady.

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

My Community

1. Where were you born? Did you grow up there? I was born in York PA, and grew up here. I don't think I am ever getting out of this city... I went to college in Washington DC, and somehow ended up back here. Sigh.

2. Tell us about your favorite spot in your city. Sitting at the counter at my brother's restaurant (which is located in the building pictured above), or watching the sunset at Brown's Orchards.

3. Do you volunteer for any organizations? If so, will you tell us about it? I am what I call a "freelance dog transporter". I do animal rescue transports for a number of organizations that pull dogs from shelters and get them to rescues, foster homes, or adoptive homes. I don't care about breed or anything; if it needs a ride and fits in my car, I'm there. To date, I've helped to transport probably over 100 animals. If you are interested in helping to transport dogs, PLEASE EMAIL ME and let me know where you are located. If you have a car and the time, YOU CAN TRANSPORT DOGS. It is incredibly rewarding and always has a happy ending.

Sundae, one of the dogs I helped transport. LOOK AT THAT BEAK.

4. Tell us about your favorite local restaurant. Again, my brother's restaurant. Seriously, best breakfast ever.

5. Has your city ever experienced tragedy?  If so, how did it recover? We had some pretty severe flooding about two years ago, but we recovered quickly.

6. Share at least one unique thing about your neighborhood. It's very racially diverse, which is rare in my town.

7. If you could do one small thing to change your community, what would you do? Mandatory spay/neuter for all pets that are not registered as having been health checked and had eyes/hearing/hips/etc. tested.

8. The Powerball is currently up to 400 million dollars. Would you move to a different place if you won? I wouldn't move too far. I love where I live, and I would buy about 100 acres of land and build a giant senior dog rescue where unwanted senior dogs could live out their days getting belly rubs, going for golf cart rides, and taking naps in sunny spots.

Old dogs ARE the best dogs.

Now it’s your turn to answer this week’s questions! Don’t forget to come back and link up in the comments! Happy Monday!

Another round of progress pics.

This past month, I've seen a LOT of changes in how my clothes fit and how I feel like I look.

See this picture?

Those jeans need to go soon. As do a majority of my pants. They are just too darn big for me. I think it's safe to say that I am no longer a (tight) size 22 anymore, and possibly even not a 20. I remember being a size 16 around 190 pounds, so that would be about right, to be a small 20/large 18 right about now.

So what happened this month? Well, I started running. Well, walking/slowly jogging/breathing very heavily. I only do it a few times a week (2-3) for about 3 miles, but it has made a real difference in my body so far. And I'm going to keep it up.

When I look at these pictures side-by-side (the first one was from the beginning of April), I am just amazed... I weighed in at 217.6 the other morning, and for awhile there, I felt like you couldn't see that I was losing weight. You can DEFINITELY tell now. And I love it.

And now for my SHRINKING OWL gif, moohaha.

I miss my bangs. Can't wait for summer to be over and bring them back.

On the agenda for today: 4 miles and BEER with friends. :)

Throwback Thursday!

Junior prom. 1998. Age 17. Nice pinky ring, self.