The Six-Week Frustration

It's been six weeks that I've been following Weight Watchers faithfully about 95% of the time. This is pretty awesome, and I feel great. My clothes fit much better, I have more energy, my skin is somewhat better, I'm not binge eating (and subsequently purging), and I just feel pretty darn good overall.

But this is the "make or break" point for me. This is the part where I usually give up. I start to get tired of eating healthy all the time, and while I don't fall off the wagon per se, I start to sneak off of it. It's a slow downhill slide that is a combination of the following:

• I stop tracking my food.
• I stop exercising because I'm tired or my muscles hurt.
• I start indulging in foods that aren't good for me more often than I should (because I'm not tracking them, so I don't know how detrimental they really are to my eating plan).
• I get frustrated that I'm not dropping pounds steadily. 
• This is often compounded by watching The Biggest Loser and feeling like a big loser (pun intended) because I'm not dropping 5+ pounds a week. I'm also not exercising for four hours a day and being told what to eat from a nutritionist. BUT WHATEVER. IF THEY CAN I DO IT, I CAN DO IT, my brain tells me.

So what am I doing to try and keep myself on track?

• I read /r/loseit and remind myself that I am not alone.
• I especially try to pay attention to people whose weight loss took 1 year or more, or had a substantial amount of weight to lose like I do (as of this morning, I have 98.11 pounds to go, having lost about 12 already). I need to remember that I didn't put this weight on in a month or two; this weight steadily climbed over the past several years due to myriad reasons. So it's going to take time to take it off and as long as the overall TREND is one that goes down, I am good.
• I remind myself how good I feel after I exercise, and how I look forward to it.

A big thing that has been sticking in my head lately is this: 

"When you decide what you want out of life, you'll probably be helped in making your decision by envy... There will likely be someone who is the object of your envy, whose life you'd like to lead. Do not scorn or reject that person because of envy. Learn from her. Imitate him."Ben Stein,  How Successful People Win: Using Bunkhouse Logic to Get What You Want in Life

Now, I'm not a Ben Stein fangirl (quite the opposite politically, in fact), but this resonates with me. I have to do more than just look at people and admire their accomplishments. I need to emulate them and put them into practice in my own life. And while I may not be able to, say, run a 5K right now, I can start small and work my way up to it, right?

This entire post is basically just a brain dump for me to stick with this and not get frustrated. I am going in the right direction, and I am better than I was two months ago. 

(Source)

Sometimes, you just gotta roll with it.

I only semi-tracked my points this weekend. And I'm okay with that.

When I commit to something, I have a tendency to get a bit anal with it, and this weekend helped to remind me that sometimes I just need to play it by ear and go with the flow when it comes to my eating.

I went to lunch with a friend yesterday and while I knew I was going to use some of my extra points, I wasn't counting on this:

I was near a Wegman's. We don't have one in my town; this one is about 45 minutes away and I rarely get a chance to go there. 

Now, I LOVE grocery stores. Seriously. I love food, I love cooking, I love shopping for food. So Wegman's is like Disneyland to me. And the prepared food section? Lord have mercy.

I ended up getting a few sushi rolls (California Roll and Spicy Coconut Shrimp) as well as a Spicy Shrimp Spring Roll, and ended up having them for dinner.

And you know what? I am totally fine with that. I was over my points yesterday, but I had some stuff that I don't normally get to have, and it certainly won't be a regular occurrence.

Today I was within my points and I did a short walking exercise video and spent a good 20 minutes stretching and doing crunches and pushups. 

It's kind of weird how once you start exercising, you feel really good about it. I really hope I can keep it up.

What I Ate Wednesday

Yeah, yeah, I'm a few days late.



*insert excuse here*

Anyway, here is what I ate on Wednesday. Keep in mind that I am doing Weight Watchers, work 10 hour days, and am a fatty.

Breakfast

Italian-style breakfast burrito (recipe to come!)
Coffee with Splenda and sugar-free Italian Creme creamer

Snack

Fresh pineapple spears (I had like, three. I don't usually snack between breakfast and lunch, but I was hungry that day.)

Lunch


Healthy Choice Garlic Herb Shrimp (bland as hell... will not be buying this one again)
Weight Watchers string cheese
Yoplait 100-calorie key lime Greek yogurt
Coke Zero (I've DRASTICALLY cup down on my diet soda intake and most days I only have one at lunch, and drink water the rest of the time)

Snack

Apple with 2 tbsp PB2 with chocolate (I am obsessed with this stuff... so good)

Dinner

Tarragon pork loin chops with creamy mushroom gravy and peas (recipe to come!)
1 cup farro

And an unpictured Weight Watchers ice cream candy bar dessert (basically a lighter version of a Snickers ice cream bar that is SO GOOD). Probably unpictured because I was in a rush to get it into my mouth.


And then there was this fail....


Ruby Tuesday's has fantastic roasted zucchini on their menu and the first time I got it, I couldn't shut up about how good it was. So I tried to recreate it at home. Yeah, that did not go well. It's supposed to be delicious with a tiny bit of bite left to it and a nice roasty golden bits. I ended up cooking the hell out of the zucchini and it turned mushy, not yummy. Oh well. I'll try it again someday and crank the oven up to broil and not use my toaster oven next time.

Perfect Oven Roasted Potatoes

Perfect Oven-Roasted Potatoes

by Elizabeth McKendry

Prep Time: 10 minutes

Cook Time: 35-40 minutes

Keywords: roast bake side gluten-free kosher nut-free soy-free sugar-free vegan vegetarian potatoes American

6042896

Ingredients (Serves 4)

• Four medium Eastern or Yukon Gold potatoes
• Cooking spray (or olive oil/vegetable oil in a Misto)
• 1 tsp salt
• 1/2 tsp pepper
• 2 tsp garlic powder
• 1 tsp onion powder
• 2 tsp dried tarragon

Instructions

Preheat oven to 400F. Wash and dry potatoes. Chop into 1-inch cubes and place in a medium microwave safe bowl. Spray with cooking spray (approx. 2-3 seconds worth) and add salt, pepper, garlic, onion, and tarragon. Cover with plastic wrap or a microwave safe cover and toss to coat potatoes with the cooking spray and herbs/spices. Microwave on high for 5 minutes.

Lightly spray a baking sheet with cooking spray (We wanna make sure those bad boys don't stick!). Spread microwaved potatoes on a baking sheet. Bake for 35-40 minutes, tossing potatoes halfway through.

**If you'd rather toss your potatoes in oil, I'd recommend a tablespoon of olive oil or vegetable oil, but be aware that this will increase the WW points value to 4 per serving.

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Can't get you out of my head.

So I kind of can't stop thinking about Zumba.

It's been two days now, and while I'm still a bit sore in the upper body, I feel good.

The more I think about it, the more I'm liking it.

Yes, my first class was difficult, but it can only get easier from here on out, right?

I liked that we got a mini-break at the end of each song to catch our breath and get a drink of water.

I liked that I could modify the moves to fit my ability.

I liked that I didn't need anything special. No mat, no bike, nothing fancy. Just workout clothes, a pair of sneakers, a bottle of water, and a towel.

I liked the music for the most part.

I think I'm going to find a class locally and give it another go.

(Source)

(lol sparklegif)

Losing my Zumba Virginity

Today I went to my first Zumba class with my awesome friend B.

B discovered Zumba a few years ago and fell in love with it, and it helped her to drop a significant amount of weight.

I've been trying to find some kind of exercise that I would keep doing, because to be honest, I detest exercise. I hate it. I have always hated it. I hate sweating, I hate being out of breath.

(Source)

Anyway, we went to this firehouse somewhere in northern Virginia, and we got to it. Now, I've been in many musicals (both school and community), and taken numerous dance classes back before I was As Fat As I Am Now. I can dance. I got rhythm (I got music... I got my man... who could ask for anything more?).

We went in, and I was seriously expecting to see chicks dressed like this:

(Source)

Thankfully, that was not the case. They were dressed in normal workout clothes and, besides B's husband, it was all women from about 20-50. Fine with me!

The class was.. fine. Having taken dance classes before, it wasn't anything new or revolutionary for me. The music was fun, and I appreciate how easy the moves were. I was able to pick up about 90% of them right off the bat.

The problem I DID have?

Stamina and ability. My body cannot physically go full out on the moves like the instructor and hell, like the skinny girls could. I wish I could have bounced around like a demented blonde kangaroo like the instructor (who was really nice and welcoming and her outfit was ADORABLE*), but alas, my 250 pounds of 30-something can't dance like 19-year-old me was able to.

I made it through the class. I kept moving, even if I couldn't do the moves full out. About 15 minutes in, I felt like I was going to die. Then I got my second wind and did okay. Then came the upper body moves, which made me want to do this to the peppy instructor:

(Source)

But then I decided to imagine that I was punching my ex in the face, and that was pretty awesome.

Anyway, I went, I got through the class, and I didn't hate it.

Will I go to another Zumba class? Probably. But I'm not OMG DYING to go.

The search for exercise I actually enjoy and WANT to do continues.

*The pants she had on were ADORABLE, though. They were black cargo pants that had this black and white striped section at the top that looked like garters and reminded me of the tights that Amanda Palmer always wears. And some shirt that had a ruffly butt that was so cute when we did booty-shaking moves. MUST FIND THESE. But then I realized that my thighs + horizontal stripes = NO.

So this is a blog.

I've started a blog chronicling this attempt at weight loss.

God, I hope this is the last time.

I really, really never want to get like this ever again.

"This" being "this fat".

I was up to 275 at one point, which, at 5'6" (hell, at ANY height), is completely ridiculous.

This blog will have lots of stuff going on in it: reflections as to how I got this fat, why I ate so much, talking about eating disorders (oh yes, fat girls can have them too!), and who knows what else.

So, um, welcome.